Independence day: We have no reason to celebrate – CAN

President of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Rev Samson Ayokunle, has said Nigerians cannot claim to celebrate independence when Leah Sharibu and over 100 Chibok schoolgirls were held in captivity by insurgents due to their religious inclination.

Ayokunle said this in a statement sent to DAILY POST on Monday by his media aide, Pastor Bayo Oladeji, in Abuja.

He said: “We cannot say that we are celebrating independence as a nation when that innocent schoolgirl, Leah Sharibu and over 100 Chibok schoolgirls are still in captivity because of their faith in Christ until the Federal Government has done everything to get them released from Islamic fanatics who are holding them captives.”

Ayokunle said the mounting evidences of bad leadership, economic hardships, and insecurity in the nation leave Nigerians with little to rejoice about.

“Nigerians have been facing hardships that we would never imagine a couple of decades ago that it could happen in Nigeria. Today in the whole of Africa, it appears there is no other country where the shedding of blood of innocent citizens is occurring almost daily than in our country.

“We don’t only have the daily shedding of blood in our country, we also have kidnappers who take people into captivity and would only release them after payment of ransom.

“We also have economic challenges. Many adults like us who lived in this country in the better days of Nigeria continue to ask what really happened to bring us where we are today,” CAN President said.

He blamed injustice, sectionalism, and unrighteousness by political leaders for the poor state of affairs in the nation.

“Why are we in this embarrassing and unpleasant situation? The answer might be lack of justice, lack of fair play and lack of righteousness in our land,” said.

Ayokunle said Nigerians must make a change in order to experience better days and guarantee the continued existence of the Nigeria Project.

He said: “Nonetheless, I employ Nigerians, if we want to move forward; we need to know how to choose right. In the forthcoming election, Nigerians must be sensitive. 2019 election should not be about the party loyalty, but the integrity of the contestant. Nigerians should restrain from vote buying.”

The CAN President commended the President Muhammadu Buhari administration for making the fight against corruption a priority but cautioned against giving the anti-graft efforts of government a political colour.

“There is hardly any day on the pages of Newspapers without the issue of corruption. We thank God that this government has identified unrighteousness or corruption as a major impediment to growth in Nigeria. It is as well making little headway in tackling it.

“However, it must be a wholesome tackling, which must never have political undertone. There is no party or sector where there are no corrupt people but they must be brought to justice without fear or favour.

“May we uphold the principles of Justice, fair play and righteousness in order to move the country forward.” - Daily Post

Lagos APC primary: I’ll accept outcome of a credible process, says Ambode

Akinwunmi Ambode, governor of Lagos state, has expressed confidence in the ability of the panel conducting the governorship primary election in the state.

Speaking when he received members of the panel headed by Clement Ebri, Ambode said he believes that the election would be free and fair, adding that he would accept the outcome of such exercise.

He appealed to the committee to ensure a level playing field for all aspirants in the contest, saying it is only under such circumstance that democracy is entrenched.

“This is a very star-studded election team, they are distinguished Nigerians in their individual and collective rights,” he said.

“There can’t be any better collection of a team to any state election monitoring in this country than the distinguished personalities brought to Lagos and it only shows us the important that the national chairman of our great party attaches to what is happening in Lagos.

“I must tell you that what you have taken up, may look like a political assignment, but history is on your side that at this very moment in the annals of this history of this country, today marking our 58th Independence anniversary celebration, you are being called upon to discharge a selfless service that would determine the future of this country and the greatness of this particular state.

“I receive this election team as being acceptable and credible to me enough to discharge their civic responsibility to the best of their abilities and to also to say that whatever it is that is the outcome of the primaries, your presence has also shown that this will be credible and this will be acceptable by me.”

The governor recalled that he had gone through the same process with 12 other aspirants to emerge as governorship candidate of the APC in 2014.

He said it was not out of place to have other aspirants contest for the same ticket this time, however, the eventual process of choosing who flies the party’s flag must be seen to be fair to all concerned.

“So it’s very clear to me, all I seek is credible primaries, transparent primaries and level playing ground that we will all be proud of at the end of the day for the outcome,” he said.

“There were issues that we have raised that we are also trying to correct. The bottom line is this, we are family, we must not go into the elections divided because this is the very first time that our party is controlling the centre and also the state, that is what I want us to continue.

“The issues that I raise have been put in form of a letter which I would pass to their chairman and I believe the committee will look into it judiciously and also I welcome the stakeholders meeting which will allow you feel the pulse of what is going on in the state.”

He also urged the panel to use its prerogative to decide the best possible time for the primaries election and make a public announcement on the time, date and venues of the exercise to enable members of the party partake in the process.

Earlier, Ebri said the panel deemed it fit to pay a courtesy visit to the governor as the number one citizen in the state and to also intimate him on the process for the conduct of the primaries. -TheCable

What US told Nigeria on 58th Independence anniversary

The United States of America has told Nigeria to consolidate its leadership in Africa by conducting credible general elections in 2019.

In a statement issued by the US Secretary of State, Michael Pompeo, on the occasion of Nigeria’s Independence Day on Monday, the American government congratulated Nigeria and its people on the nation’s independence anniversary.

Pompeo said: “I would like to convey warm wishes to the government and people of Nigeria on the 58th anniversary of your independence. Nigeria remains a key partner and friend of the United States.

“Through its strengthening democracy, its dynamic economy and the great entrepreneurial spirit of its people, Nigeria is a leader in the region and beyond.

“We count on Nigeria to continue its leadership through free, fair, transparent and peaceful elections in 2019.

“The United States offers our continuous support to Nigeria in its efforts to expand trade and investment, counter-terrorism and ensure regional stability and tackle corruption.

“As you celebrate the anniversary of your independence, please know that the people of the United States celebrate with you.”

Nigeria, a former British colony, gained Independence on Oct. 1, 1960. - Daily Post

Adeboye: When you doubt God, you are mocking Him

Enoch Adeboye, general overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), has appealed against doubting God in a sermon at the Redemption Camp of the church.

“Don’t doubt God!” he said. “When you doubt God you are already mocking Him.”

Preaching during the September Holy Ghost Service of the church with the theme “Stronger than your enemies 7: Silencing mockers.” he warned that those who love to mock God or things of God end badly.

Pastor Adeboye anchored the sermon on the story of Hannah in the Bible, citing many other instances where people mocked God and ended up on the wrong side of time.

They included people who mocked Noah when he was building the Ark and those who mocked Lot before the fire fell.

He recalled that, “in the days of Lot people were eating, drinking, buying, selling, planting and building when Lot went to tell his in-laws that he had heard that destruction is coming but they laughed at him. By the following day when the fire fell, they were not laughing anymore”.

He also cited an example from the days of Moses: ”The children of Israel murmured to God that all they had to eat was manna. God said that they were ungrateful so let us give them a bit of judgment. Fiery serpents came among them and many Israelites died. But God said to Moses, make a fiery serpent and set it upon a pole, so that whosoever was bitten and looked upon the serpent on the pole shall live and made whole.

“Do you know that some people still mocked Moses saying we are talking of serpent biting us and you are saying we should look up to a serpent made of brass to be saved? So, as many that did not look up to the brazen serpent died.”

He said as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness even so must the Son of man be lifted up. “All you need to just do is to look up to Him and be saved,” he explained.

“Don’t mock the call to Salvation. No one is saying that you should look up to a man but to look up to Jesus Christ – the Author and Finisher of our Faith.

“Don’t believe those that tell you that all will be well with you even when you are committing sin. You cannot say that you are a child of God and live a life of sin. You cannot continue in sin and ask the Grace of God to abound – God forbid.”

On the basis of that, he made an altar call, to which many people responded. He explained that the call for salvation was necessary for people who were not living right with God to qualify for His blessing.

Silencing mockers

Continuing with the second part of the sermon, which was to empower people to defeat their mockers, he stated that mockers were in trouble that night simply because of the association of the congregation with God.

“The Bible teaches us that if you are a true child of God, anyone that touches you is touching God; anyone who persecutes you is persecuting God,” he explained, citing the case of Saul of Tarsus was on his way to Damascus to continue the persecution of Christians but met the Lord on the way and he later became Paul.

In an earlier sermon by Adeola Mensah, which Adeboye commended, mockery was defined as a form of ridicule designed by the devil and his agent to humiliate man.

She identified the common types of mockery as those over spiritual or physical issues, financial, emotional, marital and ministerial mockery.

Assuring the congregation that all mockers could be silenced through God, Adeboye took the challenges one after the other for prayers, prophecies. He also shared testimonies of people who overcame their mockers.

He started with barrenness. Stressing that it could be overcome, the general overseer said: ”Let us look at this case of fruitlessness because this month is a special month for those trusting God for the ‘Fruit of the Womb’.

“We thank God for the testimonies that we have heard. I am sure those of you here last Month saw the thousands of people who were barren but got their own children and we have seen even more tonight. There will always be people who will want to mock you if by the time you ought to bring forth you have not brought forth children.”

With references to the story of Sarah and Hannah, he assured the congregation that with God everything is possible.

“When anybody begins to mock your fruitlessness, they are mocking God; they are mocking the Commander of Wombs, he said. “In Genesis 1:28; when God made man and woman and blessed them, He commanded them to be fruitful.”

Then he prayed: “In the name that is above all names, your womb will obey the command of God; when you come next year, you will come with your own baby in Jesus name.”

Fruitless efforts

He also prayed for those who are being mocked because of failures in other areas of life; people who have nothing to show for their efforts.

He said: “There might be forces holding you in bondage – spiritual husbands, spiritual wives, evil in-laws, curse, evil covenant, etc. The point is that even these evil forces trying to stand between you and your fruitfulness are merely mocking the Lord of Host.

“But anytime any force mocks God, God responds. So if there are evil forces trying to hinder you from being fruitful, the Lord of host will deal with it because Philippians 2: 9-11 says at the mention of the Name of Jesus; all knees must bow.”

Testimonies

A major takeaway was the caution not to mock God. On a night Pastor Adeboye used his familiar preaching style – message, testimony for illustration, prophecies and prayers – many testimonies were shared.

“Don’t doubt God. The same God that said to my Father-In-The-Lord (the founder of the church, who was an illiterate) that I will give you a Church that will go round the world. Ordinarily how was that possible?” he asked.

“Today, RCCG is in 197 countries.”

From his personal experience, he said way back in 1961, he gave a small gift to a prophet, who prophesied that one day he would be travelling overseas like someone going to the market.

Pastor Adeboye recalled that, “it was at a time that if anyone in my village travelled abroad, the whole village would gather to dance to welcome him. That time I didn’t even know Ikeja, Lagos, but today the prophecy has been fulfilled”.

He also shared the testimony of God’s promise of the Redemption Camp when he was begging Him for a flat in Mushin, where he lived in a one-room apartment as General Overseer.

“Prior to becoming the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, I was the head of Department of Mathematics at the University of Ilorin, Nigeria. I was living in a mansion with a two-bedroom guest quarters. I also had servants’ quarters with four bedrooms. All these were not part of the main house.

“But when I became the General Overseer, I had to live in a one-room apartment at Mushin (a relatively poor suburb in Lagos). I left my wife and children in Ilorin to be in Lagos to work in the church. Due to my difficult living conditions at that time, I had to tidy up things before my family could join me.

“Before bringing them over, I went to God in prayers and explained the challenges I was facing to Him. I told God to help me get a decent accommodation.

“Left to me I did not mind using the one-room apartment, but the thought of housing my entire family in one room posed a great challenge to me.”

God’s response to me was, ‘Son, don’t ask for house because I have decided to build you a city.’

“That response was beyond what I could comprehend. After this encounter, I began to dream of a city where everybody would be a Christian; a city where there would be no molestation; a city where there would be no power failure or water shortage. God began to stretch my mind to see a city where His praises would fill every mouth.”

Repeatedly, he reminded the congregation that once God has spoken, it is done.

Other testimonies

There were also testimonies of healing and childbirth from the congregation. A lady referred to as Sister Folashade, testified by email how she was healed from cancer.

She said, “I give glory to the God of our Daddy Adeboye for healing me from cancer. I just wanted to share this testimony because God is good and deserves to be praised and adored. I am a cancer survivor.

“In 2014 I discovered a cancerous lump in my breast, I underwent chemotherapy, radiotherapy and I had surgery to remove it. And with prayers and support of my family, it was successful and clear.

Sadly early this year 2018, I had a relapse, I was diagnosed of metastatic cancer which means that cancer has spread all over my body and the doctors had speculated only two weeks for me to live. I was at the point of death. My brother flew from Nigeria with the anointed handkerchiefs and oil Daddy had prayed on.

“He also connected me to Daddy on the phone. He prayed a simple prayer and said God that did it before will do it again. My brother applied all the anointed materials on me. All glory to God, all treatments went well and I’m now cancer free. God of our Daddy Adeboye turned the reports of the doctors to testimony. Let someone shout hallelujah.” - TheCable

Atiku: I’ve not seen Nigeria in such a bad shape since the civil war

Atiku Abubakar, one of the presidential aspirants of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), says the current administration is the worst to emerge since the civil war. 

Abubakar, who was vice president from 1999 to 2007, said this on Sunday at a media chat organised under the aegis of The United Nigeria Group (TUNG) in Abuja.

Listing his achievements in his years as a civil servant and vice president—where he chaired the economic team, he said he is a better and experienced presidential aspirant to solve Nigeria’s problems.

“So I believe this country requires all of these that I enumerated. In fact since the civil war I have not seen Nigeria in such a bad shape,” he said.

Lamenting the unemployment rate, the presidential hopeful said the present administration threw the country into recession and it’s yet to come out of it.

“Our unemployment rate is the highest, over 12 million men and women are unemployed. Our growth is at its lowest, when PDP administration was in power GDP growth rate was about 6%,” he said.

“But they took it over and crashed it; and dragged the nation into recession. We are trying to come out of recession at about 1.6 % growth, but consider the growth of our population.”

Abubakar who defected from the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC) to PDP in 2017 said he is the candidate that can take the country out of crisis.

He said Nigerians can attest to what his administration did in the eight years when they were in power, and if the subsequent government had continued with their policies, Nigeria would have been better for it.

“So, anyone who can come and lift up our economy to a level where our GDP growth will surpass our population growth, I think is the leader we should at this point in time support and give the opportunity to take our country out of this crisis. And that is what I stand for,” he said.

“I assembled the best economic team (as Vice President) with that we did well and Nigerians attested to what we did in those 8 years. We liberalised the economy, we expanded the private sector’s participation and tried to limit government to the necessary issues. If these policies we started were continued, today we will have been in a better country. I believe we need somebody who can come and continue with these policies so that we can bring back our prosperity, create more jobs for our unemployed youths.”

He added that he had reached out to other presidential aspirants in the PDP and he would bring them in to be part of his government.

“There is no single aspirant that I have not been to, to ask for his support and also to work together. Fortunately, each and everyone of them bring something to the table different from the other. And I believe it will not be a problem for me bringing them together to participate with me in government and also in whatever capacity they feel they can support the government,” he said. - TheCable

Brussels rejects plea from Theresa May to break Brexit deadlock

European Union diplomats have rejected Theresa May’s conference pitch that Brussels must move first to break the deadlock over Brexit negotiations.

While the British government insists the ball is in the EU’s court, European diplomats speak of a more complex diplomatic dance, in which both sides publish papers during an intense negotiating period leading up to a crunch summit on 18 October.

Officials also repeated warnings that the EU will not accept the economic part of May’s Chequers plan, fearing it would hand British business a permanent competitive advantage, over EU rivals.

In interviews ahead of the conference the prime minister said the EU had to tell the British government what “detailed concerns” it had about her Chequers compromise plan. “If they’ve got counterproposals, let’s hear what those counter-proposals are,” she told the BBC’s Andrew Marr show.

On Monday the Brexit secretary Dominic Raab told Tory delegates that the EU’s “theological approach” allowed no room for serious compromise. “If the EU want a deal, they need to get serious. And they need to do it now.” In an interview with the Sun, he said the EU had not offered credible alternatives to the UK government proposals. “The ball is in their court.”

Rejecting this characterisation, an EU source said both sides had to move if the talks were to progress: “In a way the ball is just as much in the UK’s court as the EU’s. We are at a point in the negotiations when neither side can say ‘the ball is in your court’. If the UK doesn’t pick up the ball, we will.”

A senior source said the Brexiteer campaign to “chuck Chequers”, was driving May to a free-trade agreement with the EU – the Canada-style deal that the prime minister has rejected as not good enough. “I can’t see how May the week after [party conference] can say: ‘You wanted to chuck Chequers. Well, we can stay in the customs union and single market.’ I think the dynamics are driving the UK to an FTA rather than an upgraded form of Chequers.”

The EU’s chief negotiator, Michel Barnier, is drafting a non-binding political declaration on the future relationship with the UK. A senior diplomat said “counter-proposal would be “too strong a word” to describe this document, which has been planned for a long time.

Linked to that text, Barnier is drawing up “improved” proposals on the Irish backstop. The backstop is the European commission’s fallback plan to prevent a hard border on the island of Ireland, but May has said no British prime minister could ever accept Barnier’s version, which would keep Northern Ireland subject to many EU rules.

The text of both documents is being tightly guarded by the European commission, leaving EU member states in the dark.

Meanwhile the EU awaits the British government’s own counter-offer on the Irish backstop, after May promised alternatives that “preserve the integrity of the UK, in an angry speech after her bruising experience at last month’s Salzburg summit.

The British government’s complaints that the EU has not explained its reasons for rejecting the economic and customs plan of Chequers has been given short shrift in Brussels. “[May] said the EU had never explained, which is in fact not true,” said one diplomat.

According to Brussels insiders, Barnier gave Raab a detailed briefing of the EU’s objections to the common rulebook, the centrepiece of the Chequers’ economic plan, allowing free movement of goods between the EU and UK.

Barnier’s briefing notes, a three-page paper of “defensive points”, explain the commission’s problems with the common rulebook, across different industries. “The UK proposal would lead to a diversion of trade and investment in the UK’s favour and to the disadvantage of member states’ business,” states the unpublished document.

It outlines how the UK could gain an advantage in some industries, if it only had to follow EU product standards, rather than broader social and environmental protection rules. In the European steel industry, for example, only 1% of the cost of regulation is linked to EU product standards, while 99% comes from EU rules on energy and climate change, according to the document.

The document also explains why the commission is ready to hand an economic advantage to Northern Ireland, by keeping it in the customs union and subject to many (but not all) single market rules. EU insiders have worried that its Northern Ireland plan is a form of “cherry-picking”, but conclude it is necessary to preserve peace, while the size of the region means there is no serious risk. “With a population of 1.8m, Northern Ireland is much less of a competitive threat than the 60m UK.”

High-level Brexit talks are on hold, as the EU awaits the prime minister’s speech on Wednesday.

Although Jeremy Hunt’s speech on Sunday comparing the EU to the Soviet Union has been criticised, Brussels insiders said they had expected heated rhetoric from the conference hall. “That was really stupid,” one diplomat told the Guardian, but added the comments were unlikely to have any impact on negotiations. - The Guardian, UK

SAD !!! Kogi polytechnic lecturer reportedly slumps, dies over non-payment of salary

Tragedy struck on Monday when a lecturer with the Kogi State Polytechnic, Lokoja, Mr. Yakubu Nataala, reportedly slumped and died at his Kogi Poly quarters’ residence in Lokoja.

DAILY POST gathered that the deceased might have died due to the none payment of his salary.

He was said to have last received his salary in July 2017.

However, the Public Relations Officer of the institution, Luke Tijan told our correspondent that the lecturer, who was earlier operated upon as a result of ruptured appendicitis, died as a result of complications arising from the operation.

Tijani however confirmed that the deceased was among lecturers who have not received salaries for several months.

“Yesterday, we lost one of our lecturer in the Polytechnic. Contrary to information that went viral, he never slumped and died but was earlier operated upon of appendicitis. 

“He was among some of the lecturers that has not been paid salaries due to the screening exercise,” the PRO noted. - Daily Post

2019: What Nigerians must do ahead of election – Ezekwesili

Former Minister of Education, Oby Ezekwesili has called on Nigerians to vote out the “old order” politicians in the forthcoming 2019 general election.

The Convener of the Red Card Movement urged Nigerians to come out in their numbers to vote and protect their votes, come 2019.

Ezekwesili made the call at a one-day conference organised by ‘The Church Must Vote’ an NGO, on Monday in Abuja.

She said that it was time for Nigerians to determine the quality of leadership they get through massive voting.

According to her, the quality of democracy is dependent on the quality of vote and INEC protection of the vote of Nigerians.

”We must compel INEC to gather some of the cases of vote buying and selling that they have identified and take them to court.

”We must compel the Judiciary to act and not to defer judgement on such matters, because our democracy is under existential treat.

”Citizens must understand the power they possess, and through that power, you determine the quality of leaders to lead the country.

“It is time to build a nation with leaders who were elected on the bases of character, competence and capacity.

”So, I support The Church Must Vote to say your vote must count because your vote does count, if it didn’t count, they will not pay for it.

”It is time to decide that nobody can pay for your vote because it is priceless, the people are dependent on the quality of leaders that they get for themselves.

”So, let our vote count; we must cry out if we see our vote being bought or stolen,” she said. -Daily Post

Melania Trump is off to teach Africa how to look after children

Melania Trump has packed her bags and is heading far, far away from her husband. On Monday, the first lady is jetting off on a solo tour of parts of Africa; her first major international trip without the president. She is planning to visit Ghana, Malawi, Kenya, and Egypt in order to promote her “Be Best” child welfare initiative. Months after it was first announced, it is still not entirely clear what the objectives of Be Best are, but Melania isn’t letting that stop her from spreading the grammatically incorrect gospel.

At this point, the cynical reader may be grumbling: “I really don’t care about Melania’s travel plans, do you?” Well, I do. It is truly laudable that the first lady is taking time out from ignoring all the chaos in the White House to get on a private jet and pose for photos with smiling African children. We should all be so selfless.

Of course, Melania is going to do a lot more than just posing. The US has much to teach the rest of the world about child welfare, you see, and I’m sure she’ll be passing on valuable advice. Such as: don’t try and seek asylum in the US unless you want to be separated from your parents, drugged and locked in a cage.

The US also has important lessons to pass on about the value of education. This year, for example, a federal district court judge in Michigan ruled that “access to literacy” or a “minimally adequate education” was not a fundamental right. The judge used this decision to dismiss a class-action lawsuit filed by students at underperforming schools in Detroit, who argued that they had been denied access to literacy because of underfunding and mismanagement. According to the complaint, the schools lacked textbooks but were filled with vermin; the first thing teachers did each morning was clean up rodent faeces. Who says the American dream is dead, eh?

Another thing the US excels at, of course, is school shootings. There have been 36 shootings in schools or college campuses this year alone. But rather than implementing common-sense gun control, the US has simply shrugged and decided that active shooter drills are just going to be the new normal in American schools. Which is good news for bulletproof-backpack manufacturers; sales have soared since February’s Parkland school shooting, in which 17 people were killed.

It’s not such good news for the kids. According to a report by the Giffords Law Center to Prevent Gun Violence, an activist group, nearly 60% of American high school students say they are afraid of gun violence occurring at their school or community. I’m not sure how many kids in Ghana, Malawi, Kenya or Egypt live in fear of getting shot in their maths class. Perhaps Melania can find out.

It looks like Melania will be doing a lot of flying, so I hope she has packed enough reading material. She might want to start with the UN convention on the rights of the child, the landmark agreement that established global standards to protect children. The US is currently the only country in the world that hasn’t ratified the treaty. It used to share this dubious distinction with South Sudan and Somalia, but they both ratified it in 2015. You would think that the US’s failure to commit to a global convention protecting kids might preclude it from telling other countries how they can “Be Best” and champion children. But if there’s one thing the US has always been best at, it’s thinking it knows better than anywhere else.

Talkin’ bout our simulation

As the world grows increasingly bonkers (I think that’s the technical term), I find myself drawn to the theory that we all live in a computer simulation that has gone haywire. I’m not the only person inclined to take this view. The “simulation hypothesis” – which posits that we are inhabiting a computer program created by an advanced civilisation – has become something of an obsession in Silicon Valley in recent years. Elon Musk is a particularly vocal proponent of the theory, arguing that the chances we aren’t living in a fabricated reality is “billions to one”. It’s not clear how many billions he’s envisaging, but knowing Musk, I would guess about 420.

One of the founding texts of the simulation hypothesis is a 2003 paper by University of Oxford philosopher Nick Bostrom. However, its roots go back to Descartes. Shakespeare also floated the idea. As the monologue in As You Like It goes: “All the world’s a stage / And all the men and women merely players / In a massive computer simulation / Programmed by our posthuman overlords.”

The theory took a bit of a beating last year when some renowned physicists published a paper arguing that the idea is mathematically impossible, and would require more atoms than exist in the universe. Of course, you would expect something like this to happen in a sophisticated simulation; our overlords would want to ensure we’re not aware of the matrix or we might try to escape. Indeed, it has been reported that two tech billionaires have contracted some scientists to try and break us out of the simulation. The way things are going, I reckon that might be our only hope of finally putting an end to Brexit.

The latest intern opportunity – and this one pays

Ever wanted to spend 30 hours in a “slightly used” coffin? Now you can! Six Flags, a theme park in Missouri, recently announced its “30-hour coffin challenge”; last 30 hours in a 2ft by 7ft coffin and you’re in with a chance of winning $300 (£230). However, if this idea doesn’t appeal, there are other ways to earn money while doing nothing. Nasa, for example, will pay you $15,700 to stay in bed for 70 days while they monitor the effects that staying horizontal has on the body. You’ve got to hand it to Nasa, they have managed to make the dream of lying in bed sound like an absolute nightmare. -The Guardian, UK